Cycling – Page 2 – Hors Catégorie

Roundwood Stores

Ride distance: 87km
Beverage: one espresso, accompanied by an excellent sandwich

The weather was still absurdly warm as I headed out the following day on my second coffeenée (is that a word? it is now) of the week. Haze softened the autumn sunlight as I climbed to Sally Gap, light breezes playing over my bare arms, strands of spider silk hanging in the slow-moving air. At this time of year, I’d often be bidding farewell to the Gap for the year, farewell to the gales and drizzle and bone-chilling descents. But not in 2023.

Following the Military Road down past Glenmacnass waterfall to Laragh, I turned back towards Roundwood. Around Annamoe, Wicklow County Council were hard at work eliminating the last remaining stretches of smooth asphalt in the county. One can only imagine that an influential member of the Council also owns a gravel quarry — they’d gravel-dress the M11 given half a chance.

I stopped at the Roundwood Stores, where the tasteful choice of font on the signage advertising “Artisan Grocery” betokens the kind of bourgeois luncheon experience I’m looking for in a cafe. The yellow wall hides a sunlit courtyard with enough space to stash your bike. I ordered an espresso and a croque monsieur — a blackboard on the counter reassured the Plain People of Ireland that they were being threatened with nothing more exotic than an ham-and-cheese toastie.

The croque monsieur was the Platonic ideal of a toasted sandwich, the thick bread grilled to a golden-red, crisped in the fat running off the cheese and thickly sliced ham. The espresso, on the other hand, was deeply odd. I can best describe it as a hazelnut praline emulsion — thick and finely aerated, but no hint of coffee to the flavour whatsoever. I’ve had a lot of weird, funky shots over the years, but this was a new one on me. Still, it was nowhere near enough to ruin the pleasure of eating a good lunch in the sunshine.

Sadly, once it was done I had to climb back on the bike and waddle the thirty kilometres home.

Five Points

Ride distance: 46km.
Beverage: 1 espresso (doppio)

Fittingly, the Coffeeneuring Challenge 2023 begins in the same place that every day begins for me, Five Points on the Harold’s Cross Road. Originally an independent fiefdom, Five Points was absorbed into the Borg-like 3FE empire a few years ago, trading the old blue livery for the current red. Though Five Points is no longer home to the best scones in Dublin, the espresso is reliably decent and the staff are reliably sound.

From there I head out through the empty Sunday morning streets of Terenure. This is rugby territory — improbably young boys are practising on the school playing fields, so small that when they line up to take a kick, the ball stands higher than their kneecaps. Older rugby fans are still in bed, nursing hangovers after Ireland’s win against Scotland last night. Just a handful of dog-walkers and serious runners getting the last few miles in before the Dublin Marathon.

There’s no breeze until I reach the bridge over the M50. Suddenly a blast of tropical warm air, borne on a middling south-westerly. Warmer than any day in the wet July just gone, unseasonably warm. Climate change-y warm. I stash my gilet and arm warmers in the saddlebag, should have trusted in the forecast, implausible though it seemed.

I take the back roads by Bohernabreena and Glenasmole up to the Featherbeds before dropping back down towards the city. A steady stream of cyclists with more stamina than me heading the opposite direction, Wicklow-bound. Two Garda cars parked up by the Noel Lemass memorial, where someone is setting up placards and loudspeakers; two more cars a little further down, Guards standing in the road eyeing approaching drivers with suspicion.

I swing around by Tibradden, past O’Connell’s Rock where two hundred years ago the Liberator delivered an oration to vast crowds. Hard to imagine walking up there from the city, yet few can have had horses or carriages to carry them. Cut left at Johnny Fox’s and over the last rise before the long descent all the way down to the river Dodder in Milltown.

I detour by the market in Herbert Park and ride home with two musettes full of apples hanging from my neck, Holstein Coxes and Tipperary Pippins from Llewellyn’s orchard.

Market stalls clustered around a small bandstand in Herbert Park — The bourgeoisie of south Dublin in their element: Herbert Park Market

Chasing Mailboxes lays down the law for the Coffeneuring Challenge 2023. The challenge is straightforward (ride your bike and drink coffee seven times in seven weeks) but in keeping with the grand tradition of randonneuring established by Audax Club Parisien, there is an elaborate set of rules, some honoured more in the breach than the observance.

Burning Ambulance runs down the oeuvre of Hedvig Mollestad. I only know Black Stabat Mater (and fully endorse Phil’s praise) but this video of Ekhidna covering “Red” convinces me that I need to dig deeper.

Tone Glow top their hefty A.R. Kane interview with an even chunkier one with Hal Hartley. Last year I rewatched the video shop classics of my youth — The Unbelievable Truth, Trust, Simple Men, and Amateur — and they still hold up for me. Judging from the interview, I have a lot of catching up to do.

McDonagh’s Lane (2.2km, 111m, 5.0%)

Strava

Prior to the lockdowns I had only ridden McDonagh’s Lane once, in the course of the gruelling Red Line/Red Lane 600, an experience that left me ill-inclined to revisit it. But its position just inside the boundaries of Dublin county offered plausible deniability, not that the Guards manning the checkpoints at Brittas ever bothered to stop me to check my credentials. It turns out to be a peach of climb — quiet, well-paved, and scenic.

The lane is easily overlooked, running up the side of the Blue Gardenia pub on the N81 around Brittas. Be in the small ring as you make the turn — the gradient quickly reaches double digits, then slackens briefly before rising to 15%. The impeccable surface of the road takes some of the sting out of the steep sections but they’re still demanding. The road is very narrow at this point so pray that you don’t meet a car coming the other way that might force you to stop.

The gradient eases as the road continues upwards in a series of steps. A slanted T-junction announces the final push — beware of vehicles coming from the right as you swing left around the bend — before the long drag to the top of the hill. Houses and neat hedges give way to pasture on the left and the edge of Saggart woods on the right, with the N81 trailing away down below. At the top, enjoy the sweeping vista of the mountains to the east and flat lands to the west, the Slieve Blooms barely breaking the horizon.

Handmade sign, painted on of planks nailed to a post: Aquatic Village, 7 days 10.30 until 6, No Tossers — Fair.

Bohernabreena Reservoir (45km, 695m)

RideWithGPS

Categorised Climbs: Ballinascorney (First Section), Cunard Road Lower, Cunard Road Upper

Variation upon variation — this is a third way to skin the Piperstown/Glenasmole cat. It’s the most scenic option of the three, but also the hardest, featuring the short but salutary climb up Cunard Road Lower along with the demanding final kilometre of Cunard Road Upper. It would be hard to find a route that packs so much into a couple of hours so close to the city centre.

Head out of the city through Old Bawn and past the entrance to Bohernabreena reservoir to start the climb up to Ballinascorney. Take the left turn after the Footee course, as the road widens and curves right. The road above the reservoir is a joy: quiet, well-paved, tree-lined, with occasional glimpses of the water below. Follow the road around the back of the reservoir to a T-junction: left here, then the next right to take on the 15% ramp of Cunard Road Lower. Right at the top to join Cunard Road Upper — you’ll have a few moments to catch your breath before the grind up to the Featherbeds. Turn left at the T with Military Road, then the usual drop down by the Viewing Point and Cruagh Road to Tibradden, and along Pine Forest Road to Glencullen.

The only likely hazard (aside from knee trouble) is the descent down the back of the reservoir. The road itself is fine, but it’s winding and very narrow with no visibility around the corners — it’s very easy to round a corner at speed to meet a Land Rover coming the other way, with no scope for evasive manoeuvres. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Pasture leading down to the Upper Lake of Bohernabreena Reservoir, mountains in the background — The Upper Lake of Bohernabreena Reservoir, glittering in the sunshine

Trooperstown Hill (1.9km, 146m, 7.5%)

Strava

At the time of writing, a mere 255 riders have ridden this segment on Strava, as compared to just shy of 10,000 for Wicklow Gap, so I feel confident in describing it as a hidden gem. You can find steeper, longer climbs on the west coast (Caherdaniel, may you live in infamy!) but there aren’t many other climbs in Wicklow that compare — Devil’s Glen, perhaps.

The headline numbers for the climb undersell it considerably. The gentle rise along the first kilometre from Bookey Bridge reduces the average gradient to an innocuous-seeming 7.5%, but the 900 meters after the turn average a very respectable 11% and the final ramp hits 18%. There are moments where the road appears to flatten but recovery is not easily come by — they’re still 8–9%.

The surface is heavy and there isn’t much to look at on the way up (you’ll be too busy trying to keep your front wheel planted anyway) but the views from the shoulder of the hill and the gradual descent on the other side are delightful.

Rough country road lined with hedgerows rising steeply to a left-hand bend — The final ramp. To quote Alice Cooper, “I’m eighteen…and I like it”

Trooperstown (93km, 1342m)

RideWithGPS

Categorised Climbs: Edmondstown Road, Lough Bray, Trooperstown Hill

This route is a variation on the basic Laragh route, taking in the under-appreciated (and somewhat brutal) climb of Trooperstown Hill, so check the notes on that for the sections shared by both routes.

When you reach Laragh, go left at Lynham’s pub to take the road for Rathdrum. Take the left immediately before Bookey Bridge and climb gently for about a kilometer, then a sharp left onto the Trooperstown climb proper, which is anything but gentle. The reward comes afterwards, on the long, gradual descent around the curve of the hill — the views across the valley are lovely and you usually have the road entirely to yourself. There are a couple of tight bends and sections with loose gravel but it’s not particularly steep. At the bottom you run into the Moneystown road heading towards Roundwood. Rejoin the Laragh route just before the drag up to Ballinastoe.

The route works well in reverse too also, turning Trooperstown into a gentle, winding ascent. You’ll be riding the brakes all the way down the other side though.

Green fields and trees with mountains in the background under an almost cloudless blue sky — Looking north-east from Trooperstown Hill

The Embankment (3.2km, 106m, 3.3%)

Strava

The Embankment only barely qualifies as a categorised climb, requiring judicious choice of start and end points to make the grade. It’s a rather featureless climb, three kilometers at a very steady 3–4% gradient along the N81. Despite being an N-road, the N81 is fairly narrow, with little in the way of hard shoulder to hide in as the HGVs thunder past. There’s nothing much in the way of scenery.

So why mention it? Because it has the cardinal virtue of being the only easy route out of the city towards Blessington — the fallback option when you can’t face another grind up Ballinascorney or Mount Seskin. Buckled after a hard ride yesterday? Crippled with a hangover? Recovering from yet another dose of Covid? The Embankment is your friend. During the winter when other roads are slick with frost, the N81 sees enough traffic to melt it off. The surface is uniformly good, with barely a pothole in sight. It’s sheltered from the prevailing westerly winds.

And, of course, it’s perfect for riding fixed gear — if you have any legs at all, you can storm up it in a single out-of-the-saddle effort, humming “The Ride of the Valkyries” to yourself as you go. I’ve crawled up Seskin on fixed and it’s not an experience I’d care to repeat. I can’t imagine making it over Ballinascorney on a single cog. But the Embankment gives easy access to the gentler roads of west Wicklow, and after a couple of bleak months riding around Kildare and north county Dublin, you’ll be very glad it’s there.

Wet road between tree-lined verges under slate grey sky — The top of the Embankment…as you can see, it’s all charm

Bishopshill (84km, 992m)

RideWithGPS

Categorised Climbs: Ballinascorney, McDonagh’s Lane, Bishopshill Road

A five-star route: classic climbs, quiet roads, beautiful scenery. There are very few routes in the Dublin area which pack so much into a ride you can finish before lunchtime. This is my Ardennes Week route — maybe there’s nothing here to match the Mur de Huy or La Redoute but there are punchy ramps steep enough to get your attention.

The early section following the R114 over Ballinascorney to Brittas is fairly routine, but provides a good warm-up for the ascent of McDonagh’s Lane that awaits on the far side of the N81. Follow the road around the back side of Slade Valley and along the ridge before dropping down to a crossroads. Turn left for Kilteel and Eadestown. This is the westernmost edge of the Dublin mountains — to your right only the flat expanse of the midlands. The few hills visible on the horizon are a couple of counties away.

A few kilometres after Eadestown, the road begins to rise, presaging the final categorised climb of the day, Bishopshill Road. The steep ramps on the lower reaches of the climb are more than compensated by the views of Poulaphouca reservoir and Blessington from the top. Drop down into Ballymore Eustace, and up to the N81, before making a quick loop around Tulfarris and returning to Dublin via Blessington, Manor Kilbride and Ballinascorney.

There are few hazards along the way: the descent after Slade Valley is steep and badly paved but doesn’t see much traffic so you can usually pick your way down without trouble. Best taken handy, nonetheless. You’re on the N81 for a stretch coming into Blessington but it’s flat, well-paved, and you often have a tailwind so it passes quickly.

There is scope for variation: if you want a shorter route, turn left at the T-junction at 36km (after Bishopshill) to cut straight back to Blessington. This lops nearly 20km off the route although you’re missing a lot of pleasant cycling by the reservoir. You can take a different look at the hill by continuing past Bishopshill Road and taking the next left instead — you miss some of the views but it’s a steadier climb. And if the R114 is getting you down, you can take the road up Mount Seskin to Brittas instead.

The view from Bishopshill Road: Poulaphouca reservoir with the Wicklow mountains in the background, underneath a partly blue, partly cloudy sky — Worth waiting for: Poulaphouca nestled beneath the mountains

Edmondstown Road (9.1km, 432m, 4.7%)

Strava

Edmondstown Road and Stocking Lane are the fraternal twins of the Dublin Mountains, two climbs connecting the same two points, recognisably related but each with its own distinct character. Of the two, Edmondstown Road is the longer and gentler, and the option I prefer at the start of longer rides — the steep ramp on Stocking Lane can deaden the legs if you’re out of shape. But they’re both terrific, and you can substitute them as the moment takes you on any route heading out along the Military Road.

The climb proceeds upwards in steps—an initial gentle rise to Edmondstown golf club flattens to pass under the M50, then becomes steeper as you pass the Merry Ploughboy. There’s another respite section after the turn-off for Mount Venus Road, dropping down a few metres to the longest ramp: 1.4km varying between 8–11%. The road winds left and right under the trees until you shank left over a small bridge, then right past the turn-off for Glencullen.

The gradient eases off, but the road surface deteriorates, the council having taken a distinctly (perversely, one might say) piecemeal approach to repaving the road. Passing the entrance to Cruagh Woods, you say goodbye to double-digit gradients, then make a couple of hairpins to arrive at the Viewing Point.

If this is your very first time there, it is acceptable to join the crowds taking selfies with the city in the background. Otherwise, take the sharp left onto Military Road and keep going. The last 2.5km ease gradually from 7% down to 2% as you approach the Noel Lemass memorial, but the road is well-surfaced to the county line, and you’ll be held back more by the wind which will hit you as soon as you emerge from the trees.

The descent is just as enjoyable as the climb, straight and blazing fast in parts, technical in others. Keep your wits about you as pass the Cruagh Woods car park—particularly on weekends and holidays, you’ll often encounter drivers engaged in emergency manoeuvres, and stray dogs or children.

The view from Cruagh Road: green fields dropping away under partly cloudy skies, Dublin city and bay visible in the background. — The view from Cruagh Road